6 Christmas Songs You Never Knew Were Actually About Genocide

1. Silent Night

That’s right–this holiday staple was originally penned as a genocidal victory march!

All is calm, all is white.

 

2. We Three Kings

A subtly crafted satire of the rapidly inflating economic conditions in east Asia, these three kings of orient are, in fact, representatives of the communist state, bearing gifts of equal compensation and incentive-less labor.

Jerusalem circa 4 minutes B.C.

 

3. Lo, How a Rose E’er Blooming

This secular ballad describes in slow-motion the visual result of blasting an infant in the back of the head with an AK assault rifle. I think this one speaks for itself:

 

4. I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas

Come on.

 

5. Feliz Navidad

The literal translation of Feliz Navidad is “Mein Führer.”

6. No Lie – 2 Chainz (Explicit) feat. Drake

This heartrending love song laments the loss of innocence experienced by the general public since the abolition of U.S. slavery in the United States in 1865. Its chiming synths dance in harmonious counterpoint with full-bodied, bumping bass tones to recall the blissful existence of a freedom fighter. This masterpiece resonates as loud as ever in light of recent incidents involving police officers wearing Santa Claus costumes profiling and brutalizing innocent black Americans.