We all have those days where your whole life feels like it’s submerged in water, and maybe that’s because IT IS! If any or all of the following are true for you, then your landscaper may or may not be an aquarium.
1. Does he make a perpetual whirring sound?
Strap on the snorkel–your landscaper is an aquarium. If you notice him looking a bit foggy, try adding in some bottom-feeding fish, like loaches, tiger shovelnose catfish, or Republicans.
2. Can you swim in him? Aquarium central.
If you haven’t tried it already, take a dive into that old landscaper of yours. If your breast stroke is smooth as Amish-churned butter, you’ve got yourself an aquarium.
3. You tend to overfeed things when you’re around him.
Are the members of your nuclear family currently padlocked in your basement? Do sodden fissures in their pruney skin seep noxious fumes from their bloated corpses? No, that smell isn’t betrayal, it’s the scent of fresh-cut grass maintained by none other than your friendly neighborhood landscaper. Next time just try to take it easy on the fish flakes!
Strong Guys With Good Pets 