Thirsy? Hungry? I wanat a snacker? Call 9.and get ur free Burriotomom Mom lemt me typ ont eh computre nI not goign t schol! #!*
Hello! I’m Todd Lungrin and if you’re reading this, you’re already on the path to a better life. Are you tired of eating Jurpie sandwiches and having nothing to wash down that sour Jurpie after-taste? Does it remind you of your grandparents death during the “Holocaust”? Fear no more, Kevin! Here’s a list of the top three cold beverages to rinse that rancid pit of Jurp.
- Bob Evans Asian Sausage Lettuce Cups- Yeah. I know what you’re thinking. “I thought this article was about beverages!” Lettuce?! Yuck! I can’t wash away the vivid memories of my Nana and Grandpop’s malnourished Jewish bodies with lettuce! Now these memories will haunt me forever.
- Grass-Fed Coconut Oil – Contrary to popular belief, drinking coconut oil strengthens your immune system. So for all you Jurpophobes, get your butt off the couch and into your nearest Whole Foods. Now slow down, cowboy. Drinking too much coconut oil can result in uncontrollable bladder syndrome (UBS). Track the number of teaspoons consumed by welding a “Coconut Oil Consumption Tally (COCT)” on your forearm. This may sound a bit extreme, but it could be worse: you could Jur-PEE your pants! Hahahaha. Now that’s a good one, Kevin. You also want to make sure the coconut oil you’re purchasing is grass-fed. This will be marked on the package with a sticker that says “Grass Fed” or “This Is Grass Fed, Alright Dude? Jesus, You’ve Changed Since High School And I’ve Never Noticed Until Today. We can talk about it another time but honestly for now dude, don’t talk to me.” Lastly, please be advised that grass-fed coconut oil DOES NOT reduce the repulsive after-taste caused by a Jurpie Sandwich.
- Jurpie Juice – Buy it in your store !
Strong Guys With Good Pets 